Reading Ginny Kochis’s new book Quirky Catholic Kids: Navigating Neurodivergence with Faith and Joy, one thought occurred to me repeatedly: I wish I had this book 10 years ago when my older kids were young. But also, I’m glad I have it now. If your family is blessed with neurodivergent kids, this book may just be the guide you need.
Kochis relies on scientific research and psychology to provide a parenting book for Catholics with kids who -- as I’ve sometimes described some of my own children -- don’t quite fit the neurotypical mold. Perhaps these kids have a clinical diagnosis of ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, giftedness, or OCD, or perhaps their brain is wired in a way that you just can’t put your finger on.
Different than the average kid
As many parents of quirky kids can attest, navigating how to parent kids who are different doesn’t always come easily. It often can feel isolating, including in Catholic settings. Kochis relates some experiences that may sound all-too-familiar:
You arrive at the birthday party your child couldn’t wait for. Thirty minutes later, all the parents watch you heft a kicking, screaming octopus over your shoulder and run for the door.
Been there.
In the waiting room of the doctor’s office, your child bounces off the walls (and the chairs, and the side tables), and an older patron gives you the look.
Done that.
At daily Mass, in the middle of the Consecration, your child shouts, “Aye, aye, worm!” because she’s lost in a story she’s imagining.
Most parents of quirky kids could quickly share a whole list of stories like these.
Through her Facebook group Raising Quirky Catholic Kids with ND Advocate Ginny Kochis and now through this book, Kochis sends parents a really important message. First, you’re not alone. Second, your kids are unique gifts from God who are so loved. And third, there is a place in our Church and the world for your child(ren).
The practical advice
Kochis has neurodivergent kids of her own and has done all of the things: figured out they were in fact neurodivergent; navigated school choices; sought out clinical diagnoses; and parented through the good times and the hard times, focusing on the unique gifts and needs of her specific children.
The book provides both mindset advice and practical tools that can be used with younger kids through the teenage years.
By pairing saints with various chapters (e.g. Servant of God Leonie Martin with Emotional Regulation), Kochis reminds her readers that saints weren’t all neurotypical. Everyone is called to holiness and each person’s path may be a little different.
She covers asynchronous development, diagnosis, hyperfocus, executive functioning skills, sensory skills and a lot more.
Kochis even provides a list in the appendix of patron saints for exceptional children -- a full 100 of them! The saints are indexed by topic and trait. So if your kid is gifted, there’s a saint for him or her. If they struggle with doubt, anxiety or depression, there’s a saint for them too!
You belong here
The book is full of useful advice, but perhaps its biggest asset is that it reminds families who may feel like they don’t always fit in, that there is a place for them and their children in the Catholic Church.
In a recent social media post, Kochis shared,
You are not less Catholic if:
Mainstream Christian parenting strategies haven't worked for your family
Your family's version of liturgical living doesn't look neat or Instagram-worthy
You have a smaller, chaotic family
You have a larger, chaotic family
You bring quiet fidgets to Mass
Your motherhood looks different from the other moms in your parish
Your kids aren't thriving in the local Catholic school
Parenting outside the mold doesn't mean parenting outside the Faith
For parents of kids with neurodiversity who are looking for support and encouragement, Quirky Kids is a needed addition to the world of parenting books.
“When you pray for your family and your children, I hope you pray for growth for all of you. The kind of growth that lets you rest in God’s sufficient grace, secure in the knowledge that His plan is far greater than anything you can imagine. Deep transformative growth, the kind that leads you to cherish the quirks God gave your children, while they become the people God wants them to be.”
Kochis ends her book with these encouraging words, “When you pray for your family and your children, I hope you pray for growth for all of you. The kind of growth that lets you rest in God’s sufficient grace, secure in the knowledge that His plan is far greater than anything you can imagine. Deep transformative growth, the kind that leads you to cherish the quirks God gave your children, while they become the people God wants them to be.”
